Our relationship with one another closely resembles Glenn Close's relationship with Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction. In this situation, I am represented by Michael Douglas and you are represented by Glenn Close. Yes, we shared a brief, passionate dalliance: I was excited by all you had to offer me, but even moreso, I was seduced by what you stood for. Sociology, you once stood for freedom of options, of the grass being greener, of the Michael Douglas I could be.
I neglected to inform you that despite my occasional straying, I am fully committed to my academic major, which is, and (sadly for you) always will be English. English represents stability in my life; consistency. English is where I realise that the Michael Douglas I could be is just not as compelling as the Michael Douglas I am.
Sociology, you will never be the woman that English is to me. English even still occasionally wears sexy lingerie. And I don't want to be harsh here, Sociology, but you're basically the least legitimate form of study there is. I mean, you're a "social science", for crying out loud. I'm sorry, Sociology, but you will never be my bottom bitch.
And that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Sociology. Your behaviour of late has become inexcusable. I would like to give you the time, love and attention you deserve but 2,500 words? By Thursday? On the Sociology of Cancer? Cop yourself on, Sociology.
And stop killing my pets.