Sunday, March 13, 2011

Cupcakes Piss Me Off

I've never been good at fashion. I'm interested in it, sort of, but the whole thing seems to require so much effort that is beyond my level of enthusiasm. Frankly, I think I'm being chic every time I wear tights under shorts, so it's fair to say that I'm not really in the fashion loop. Or even the fashion Venn diagram.

I love Venn Diagrams

Despite my general ignorance on the subject, I've noticed a recent motif in the fashion world that I find weirdly unsettling. Cupcakes. Yes, unobservant or male reader. Cupcakes.

Earrings. Pendants. T-shirts. Dresses. Handbags. You can't open a copy of Heat without seeing these obnoxious little dough balls hanging off someone's body. I just don't get it. At some point in the last two years, cupcakes stopped being a delicious treat and started becoming the embodiment of the female psyche. I didn't know that cake could be a defining talisman of an entire generation, but the cupcake has managed it. By endorsing the almighty power of the cupcake, you are opening a Pandora's Box to all areas of femininity. They're kind of old-school, so you can feel like you're evoking January Jones in Mad Men. But that's not all! They also allow you to be the fun, flirty creative you always suspected you might be. Cupcakes are provocative. Sometimes they even have whipped cream on them. Sometimes Katy Perry straps them to her boobs and performs elaborate dance routines.

I first began thinking about cupcakes the other day when my significantly more stylish friend Susie murmured while reading a magazine "I liked cupcakes before they were cool." (As I recall, she actually did.)  It's undeniable that in the cool stakes, they seem to trump all other confectionery. Google "Cupcake Fashion" and you come up with almost six million hits, whilst "Brownies Fashion" receives a meagre 1.7 million. "Flapjack Fashion", the clear loser, gets you 231,000 hits.  Sorry, Flapjacks. Maybe next year.

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