Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Hey, Jessica Biel: What the Hell is in Your Handbag?

Its been a very busy week for Work in Prowess. For one, we launched our official Twitter feed! For two, we decided to start calling ourselves a we now. Yes, that's right. In a mere couple of weeks, Work in Prowess will drop its humble dotblogspot moniker and evolve like a mighty Charizard into a fiery dotcom. This will mean a lot of things, things with vast ideological and moral reprecussions, but mostly it will mean the following.

1. Work in Prowess will look so, so pretty.

2. Work in Prowess will not just be the half-formed thoughts coming from me in my bedroom, but will facilitate the half-formed thoughts of many different people from over a dozen filthy bedrooms.

3.  Me and all these bedrooms will be able to cover so much more material that the possibilities will be truly endless. My hope is that the end result of this will be a women's lifestyle website that will talk about what you actually want to read about. So, that's two parts brain farts, one part "Was Halle Berry's Catwoman that bad, really?" and several additional parts "I'm a girl, and this is what that is like."

The first thing I wanted to do before officially launching the new site was to find out what people wanted from it. So I asked what people thought was missing from the female media landscape.

And got this response:


Because I will not ignore the cries of the people, I decided to track down a celebrity to look inside the handbag of. And what celebrity is more captivating, more definitive of our generation, of pop culture at this very moment then.. uhm.. Jessica Biel?




WIP: Hey, Jessica! Thanks for coming in today to show us all the things you put in your handbag, when you carry your handbag.

JB: Thank you, Work in Prowess. I've been a fan of you and your sister company, the internet, since the very beginning.

WIP: Thanks Jessica Biel. That is very sweet of you to say. So what kind of handbag do you have with you today?

JB: I have a brown handbag.

Here is an artist's rendering of Jessica Biel's Brown Handbag


WIP: Cool. What kind of shit is in it?

Jessica Biel: I literally have no idea. The first thing I've pulled out is a bunch of unwrapped cough sweets with bits of my hair stuck to them.

WIP: Ugh, that is the worst.

Jessica Biel: I know, have you seen my hair?

WIP: You have tons of it. I relate. Humidity is an ongoing daily struggle for us both.

Jessica Biel: Hey, look what else I've found in here. Applicator-less tampons.

WIP: Jessica Biel uses applicator-less tampons?

Jessica Biel: No! Not even. I was in Pasadena? Doing this movie? And I was on like, the rag? And the only place I could get tampons was this weird-ass Mexican drug store. And literally all I could find was these applicator-free tampons.



WIP: They look like bullets!

Jessica Biel: They feel like bullets. Do not mess with them. I'm telling you, WIP, I do not know how those Mexican women deal with that much hands-on experience.

WIP: Hahaha. So, Jessica Biel, what were you doing in Pasadena?

Jessica Biel: I was their filming my new movie, Hitchcock.

WIP: Hahaha.

Jessica Biel: Excuse me?

WIP: Nothing, it's just for a second there I thought you said Hitchcock. Like you were in a movie about Alfred Hitchcock.

Jessica Biel: Why is that funny? I am in a movie about Alfred Hitchcock.

WIP: Because.. you're Jessica Biel.

Jessica Biel: What is that supposed to mean?

WIP: You're not really an actress are you? You appear in films. You appeared in Valentine's Day. You appeared in New Years Eve. The only thing anyone remembers you for acting in is Seventh Heaven. And they made your character smoke a joint and then we never saw her again. You can't be in some biopic about Alfred Hitchcock. You have no place there.

Jessica Biel: Hey, I just found a bunch of loose nails in here.

WIP: What?

Jessica Biel: It's from my new movie, Nailed! It's about a girl who gets a nail in her head.

WIP: Pardon?

Jessica Biel: I know! Fun, right? Then she goes mental and falls in love with a hapless young Senator, played by Jake Gyllenhaal!

WIP: You're being serious, aren't you? This is a movie that is really happening, isn't it?

Jessica Biel: Along with Playing The Field.


WIP: It's a rom-com about sports, isn't it?

Jessica Biel: Oooh, look! Vaseline!


Jessica Biel will be appearing in Nailed, Hitchcock and Playing the Field, which are all movies that are actually happening, sometime relatively soon. 

No comments:

Post a Comment